The Music Is Out To Get Me

Yesterday, our new receptionist stuck her head in my office and asked whether we “take plaintiff’s cases.” Like any self-respecting attorney, I quickly told her it depended on the case. She explained there was a woman waiting on the phone to talk to someone about her case. I picked up the phone.

“This is John,” I said.

“Yessir, do you take plaintiff’s cases?” a female voice I would guesstimate to be in her early 50’s asked.

“Yes ma’am. Why don’t you tell me about the situation?”

“Well, it’s a defamation case,” the woman said with authority.

Visions of my Constitutional Law class 23 years ago danced through my head.

“This woman. She’s talking about me on the radio. I’m in a nursing home and I keep hearing her talking bad about me.”

I was a bit unclear at this point.

“Ma’am? Someone is talking about you on the radio? What is she saying?”

“She’s using my nickname and saying all sorts of stuff about me. I hear her and I know she is. And everyone is hearing it,” the caller explained.

“Yes ma’am. What’s she saying?”

There was a sigh.

“She’s saying I’m sassy, moody, nasty. ‘Moody’ is my nickname. She’s saying all sorts of other things like she’s still that bitch.”

I remained confused.

“Who is this person on the radio, and does she know you?” I asked. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear this answer.

“She’s a woman named Meghan Thee Stallion and I don’t know how she got on the radio and she knows this much about me.”

I can honestly say this 46 year old Mississippi white boy lawyer barely knows the difference between Meghan Thee Stallion and Rocky Balboa, the Italian Stallion, but I did realize perhaps my caller was not operating with all of her faculties.

“Yes ma’am. I understand. So you think the rapper is talking about you in this song? Do you have any proof?”

“No sir. But I’m tired of it.”

We discussed a couple other things about her being targeted by this song before I told her I just wasn’t sure I had time this week to take on an international rap star, especially one who was “still that bitch.”

I referred her down the road.

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